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Gehenna: Wark​ā​num

by Catherine Corelli

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1.
Intro Nouvelle 04:24
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2.
Soar & Cry 04:48
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You just wanted the high You just wanted the high, high You just wanted the high You just wanted the high, high You said I’m too special to you But made me feel like I’m an oddity that would never fit you And then you said, you don’t know what to do So we continued to screw You said I’m pretty and cute But yet I feel that I don’t ever suit You well enough You’re afraid and unaware of what you’re facing You never thought you might (What a fright) And now you don’t think you’re able to I was amazing (Cause I loved you) It felt like it’s some kinda plague It was like a dream But all of a sudden I knew I’m awake It hurts, it burns, and it turns me upside down And then my heart unfurls As I cry with no sound I still control my shakes But every minute it takes Is a torture to me You talk but every time you speak I gotta feeling you lie to me So my heart gets bleak Every time, every time I’ve buried myself inside And faced everything with eyes open wide Yet it took too much to reach the balance I tried Though too fucked up with lies Though conditioned to die I got better in my head And much more cynical in bed I’ve lost all my beliefs and choked on all of my dreams Cause in truth nothing is really what it seems I belied myself so that I could hold on Now take a one good look at what you’ve done to me! Come on! Now, I can fly cause I can see why You made me feel this way Now I can fly cause now I know why You hurt me so much that I wanted to die Now I can fly cause I can see why I let myself get drawn into a lie Now I can fly cause now I know why I needed validation, your ego needed the high Now, I can fly cause I can see why You made me feel this way Now I can fly cause now I know why I’ve been in so much pain and wanted to die Now I can fly cause I can see why I let myself get hooked on a lie Now I can fly cause now I know why I gave you my heart but you just wanted the high You just wanted the high You just wanted the high, high You never met anyone like me That’s what you told me when love-bombing me extensively You didn’t know what to expect Oh, please! You knew what you’d get If only you wanted to Know the person you met I thought, “God gave me you, god gave you me But you’re a human so you can’t take it easily” I was unsure but now I know what I’ve been Just an exotic sex toy, a codependent plaything Did you wanna take my life? I just wanted to know what for did I strive For you, for me, for us, for god’s sake? You tasted and smelled like my destiny and it made my heart ache You asked me why was I by your side Why would I confide I couldn’t explain I guess, because it was so self-defeatingly alright To pick a guy who couldn’t love me back And acted like a self-centered child You never believed me So fucking scared to believe me You were so insecure but couldn’t really leave me It’s all because I was such an awesome supply Took me forever to figure out why I needed validation You needed the high On the altar of your ego I prostituted mine I reveled in the darkness and self-destructive pain Until I hit rock bottom and couldn’t do it again You said I was too special to you So I took it for love and didn’t know what to do And then you made me soar and cry, and cry The more we slept together the more I felt like I died But now, you’re gone for good And it’s been quite a while So rest in peace, what had to happen happened It was immature, infantile We gave our demons power Indulging one another
3.
Gala: Dark Singer 04:44
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Dark dark singer Dark dark dark singer Dark dark singer Dark dark dark singer Dark dark singer Dark dark dark singer Dark dark singer I enter the dark, and it covers me I walk in the dark, and it shelters me I talk to the dark with sincerity I sing in the dark, and then I can see The devious destiny, the strong and the weak The gloaming struggle of heat, the dying pulse of the bleak I trace every soul in the dark I can read every soul when I sing in the dark I lie in the dark, and it's soothing me I crawl in the dark, and it's stripping me I glow in the dark and roam silently I soar in the dark, and then I can be The deviant destiny for the strong and the weak The gloaming river of heat, the lust and hell it can wreak I can attract any beast when I'm dark I can get every soul when I sing in the dark Slipping into other worlds Sliding into other dimensions Curling under scars and burns Looking at the world through a glass wall I smile in the dark, and it echoes to me I wade through the dark, and it sings with me I play with the dark, and it strengthens me I melt in the dark, and then I can see The darkness is palpable and audible too Like me, like anything else, like every song that I do I can scent, I can touch, I can hear, I can know What’s around, what’s above, what's below I breathe in the dark, and it breathes in me I live in the dark, and it flows in me I crave in the dark, and it ebbs in me I fuck in the dark, and then I can be The girl behind the looking glass with Ereshkigal The goddess of Kur unjustly chained and enthralled Inanna won’t love until she’s liberated It all has to come together lest it remains dissociated Further than the farthest stars Deeper than the deepest of oceans Louder than the ugliest scars Numbed down to just go through the motions Slipping into other worlds Sliding into other dimensions Curling under scars and burns Looking at the world through a glass wall Slipping into other worlds Sliding into other dimensions Curling under scars and burns Looking at the world through a glass wall Further than the farthest stars Louder than the ugliest scars I walk in the dark, and it shelters me I breathe in the dark, and it breathes in me I lie in the dark, and it’s stripping me I sing in the dark, and then I can be The girl in the looking glass with Ereshkigal The goddess of Kur, unchained and standing tall Inanna will love and shall be venerated It all comes together, undissociated
4.
You Won't Ask 05:29
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One day, I woke up from a dream Thinking I’m fine and ok but nothing was the same You know, I used to think I loved you so much more But I was insecure, and weak, and acted like a whore Because it’s glorified The casual casual casual sex mantra seemed so dope Until I found the abyss at the end of the rope With no heart, with no future, no home, and no hope You won’t bother (I wish you could’ve been saved) Won’t get sober (Can’t get out of the grave) Won’t get worried (Oh, the karma, the fate) Won’t be sorry (‘cause now, it’s too late) It all turned out so dumb, we used to play this game of I’m the masochistic sub, and you are the brutal dom It was cool at the time, and much needed, I guess Pain therapy and pleasure to relieve the stress I wanted to laugh my head off God, that patch was rough And nothing was ever enough You had a thing for wine I had a thing for you Hands down asinine! What a fucking waste of What a fucking waste of time! It was odd when I got So used to your bends They were like carcinogens To me Finally I can admit I’ve been wrecked Embracing pain and neglect This fucking calamity made me sick and bittersweet I’ve been a codependent addict, and my drug was you ‘Cause I was hooked up on this kindness and empathy narrative drool I set no boundaries. Fuck me! I’ve been an idiot Low self-esteem, incipient You won’t bother (I wish you could’ve been saved) Won’t get sober (Can’t get out of the grave) Won’t get worried (Oh, the karma, the fate) Won’t be sorry (‘cause now, it’s too late) Masochistic (I’ve been nymphomaniacal) Narcissistic (You’ve been megalomaniacal) Perfect escape (Self-punishing) Into a hellscape (Sex was astonishing) It felt sexual to be left in the cold To be broken, and to be controlled Neglected, rejected, and disrespected What a train wreck! It’s been so sick and demented I kept asking myself why, why, why? Well, that’s because we both wanted the crazy high A spiral of death with no love in sight A safe haven for our demons in broad daylight You won’t ask me why I shed bitter tears You won’t ask me why was I buried in fears You would’ve never asked ‘cause you couldn’t understand And I get it now but you’re already dead But asking would’ve been pointless and wouldn’t make any sense It was none of your business that I’ve been such a mess And it wasn’t my job to cuddle your ego and be your momma My shit was mine, your shit was yours, end of the drama You won’t bother (I wish you could’ve been saved) Won’t get sober (Can’t get out of the grave) Won’t get worried (Oh, the karma, the fate) Won’t be sorry (‘cause now, it’s too late) Masochistic (I’ve been nymphomaniacal) Narcissistic (You’ve been megalomaniacal) Perfect escape (Self-punishing) Into a hellscape (Sex was astonishing) I’m taking ownership of myself I’m taking ownership of myself I’m taking ownership of myself Of myself What a waste of time asking why Get out of the cycle, stop loving a lie What a waste of time asking why Get out of the cycle, start living a life What a waste of time guessing why It doesn’t matter, time to heal, and accept, and get a life What a waste of time guessing why It doesn’t matter, time to heal, and accept, and get a life What a waste of time asking why What a waste of time asking why What a waste of time guessing why What a waste of time guessing why
5.
Private Guiding Star 06:28
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I've got my own private mind that I can lose if I want to I can expand, or divide, or multiply it by two My personal shit can occur if I do That’s my own responsibility, and it’s personal too I've got my personal name, personal aim Personal struggles, and private domain I’ve got my personal boundaries as I live in my skin And a whole lotta personal deep within One day, I’ll patch up all of my scars I’ll reign in my demons, and make them my bodyguards One day, I’ll dial in my desires No more obsession, just what my life requires One day… Oh, no! It sounds like I have to wait Today! Let it be today right outta the gate Today I’ll be happy, today I’ll be free I’ll just be my authentic self, the best I can be I’m not going to wait for you Though I felt in the past that that’s what I should do I have a life to live, and you have one too There is no pause button so it better be true I have to go far To where my heavens are Into Gehenna Through the pain to the light There’s no day with no night My guiding star Goddess of love and war Shines through the chaos Healing darkness and strife Bringing balance and life I've got my own unique shape and my own unique form Carved by my own bitter downfalls that I’m rising from I own my heart and every single vein I bleed red blood and try to be humane I’m body and mind, a sovereign human being My soul is on its way to where I’ve never been My roads are few but each of them is mine They’ll fade into oblivion if I run out of time One day, I’ll patch up all of my scars I’ll conquer my demons, and make them serve me as guards One day, I’ll dial in my desires No more obsession, just what my life requires One day… Oh, no! It sounds like I have to wait Today! Let it be today right outta the gate Today I’ll be happy, today I’ll be free I’ll just be my authentic self, the best I can be I’m not going to wait for you Though I felt in the past that that’s what I should do I have a life to live, and you have one too There is no pause button so it better be true I have to go far To where my heavens are Into Gehenna Through the pain to the light There’s no day with no night My guiding star Goddess of love and war Shines through the chaos Healing darkness and strife Bringing balance and life I have a life I gotta live (Just like you have one, just like you have one, just like you have one, too) I have intent and motivation (Hopefully, you have it, hopefully you have it, but that’s up to you) I have a life I gotta live (Just like you have one, just like you have one, just like you have one, too) I have intent and motivation (Hopefully, you have it, hopefully you have it, but that’s all up to you) I won't follow someone's ways I don't want someone's fate I don't need someone's life And I won't let someone steal mine I’m not going to wait for you Though I felt obliged to do what I had to do I have a life of my own, and you have one too There is no pause button so it better be true I have to go far (I don’t wanna walk your way) To where my heavens are (I don’t wanna live someone’s life I gotta live my own) Into Gehenna Through the pain to the light There’s no day with no night My guiding star (I can’t follow someone’s ways) Goddess of love and war (There is no cookie-cutter path for everyone) Shines through the chaos Healing darkness and strife Bringing balance and life No time for fear Tomorrow’s strength is borne by sorrows of today The now and here Demands of me that I be on my way No time for fear Tomorrow’s strength is borne by sorrows of today The now and here Demands of me that I be on my way
6.
Melting Snow 06:47
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You knew when it’s time to hurt me And when to belie and dress me like I’m your Gothic Queen And I have idealized you Oh, all that hot and cold quickly getting old But still I would cling to my fever dream You were my Event Horizon A black hole I couldn’t touch no matter how hard I tried I knew when it’s time to drown And forget myself. Was the darkness mine Or did it come from you? I can’t draw a line I pushed through pain and jealousy It got worse the more I tried to stay A dead love’s shadow hung helplessly The snow melted washing it away I knew that it would be over But pheromones ruled the nights and ripped holes in every day A tentative, hedonistic pact Of a nihilist with a dark allure And his naive and boy crazy paramour Our cigarettes burned through hours And ashtrays of failing hopes were buried until the dawn I felt like you’re always gone And I’m on my own. Was the darkness mine? Yours was soaked in wine. What a decadent rhyme I pushed through pain and jealousy It got worse the more I tried to stay A dead love’s shadow hung helplessly The snow melted washing it away The snowflakes have danced around us It seems like it’s been a thousand years Or a million years ago Long gone is the heavy darkness An infinite light has found its way And everything else don't really mean a thing It don't, it don't Really mean a thing I pushed through pain and jealousy It got worse the more I tried to stay A dead love’s shadow hung helplessly The snow melted washing it away It all melted away Away, away It all melted away Away, away
7.
Bitch, Please! 06:45
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So many times, you told me I am the One And I believed your love-bombing for fear of staying alone So many times, I would be dreading a backstab Bitch, please! I’d be the one setting myself up for that kinda crap So many eyes. Bits of heaven scattered among animals And beasts, I wasn’t the least of them. I never realized So many lies. The sick share of betrayal on a trail Of loneliness in a love-sabotaging paradise So many lips. Abandonment scars within Creeping under slutty makeup and crawling under the skin So many hands. Acting cool like I’m Jezebel Accepting the unacceptable becoming more expendable So many nights. The numbing out through self-negligence Riding the carousel through dissociative emptiness The dark bitch inside, a validation-seeking Masochistic sex slave codependent parasite Easy to be a victim In an abusive system But it’s not bona fide The dark bitch knows it inside and laughs I’ve been the self-indulgent Pleaser who got divergent But I have to admit The bitch inside got a kick out of Being a savior no one ever asked for A martyr, a villain, a saint, and a whore The bitch had no boundaries, I should’ve known A “yes” isn’t a “yes” when there isn’t a “no” The world wasn’t darker but I have been sick Neglected, self-punishing, desperate, and weak The bitch is a fatalist cynical whore And I have been her, she’s not me anymore So many times, I checked my heart for some hope But there was nothing but anger and pain at the end of the rope Lost in the skies, I felt like I wanted to scream Unrealistic expectations, depressed and foggy within So many eyes. I pondered who’d be the last Meanwhile, I didn’t see a future and kept reliving the past So many lies. I should’ve known it’s really nothing new Just coping and coping unable to see it all through I didn’t need to run and rinse and repeat The same vicious cycle pulling the rug from under my feet I didn’t want to be a mistress or goddess For a white knight in a semi-open-fuckship with a bonus I thought I’d drowned the past, the pain and neglect ‘Cause I was trying and trying, and trying, trying to forget The dark bitch inside would laugh and flip the script Self-defeating choices, stuck with fucked up guys, then left behind Easy to be a victim In an abusive system But it’s not bona fide The dark bitch knows it inside and laughs I’ve been the self-indulgent Pleaser who got divergent But I have to admit The bitch inside got a kick out of Being a savior no one ever asked for A martyr, a villain, a saint, and a whore The bitch had no boundaries, I should’ve known A “yes” isn’t a “yes” when there isn’t a “no” The world wasn’t darker but I have been sick Neglected, self-punishing, desperate, and weak The bitch is a fatalist cynical whore And I have been her, she’s not me anymore Dead and gone And I have been her Dead and gone She’s not me anymore Dead and gone And I have been her Dead and gone She’s not me anymore Dead and gone I have to admit I’ve been her Dead and gone But she’s not me anymore Dead and gone I used to love being her Dead and gone She’s not me anymore I have been a savior no one ever asked for A martyr, a villain, a saint, and a whore The bitch had no boundaries, I should’ve known A “yes” isn’t a “yes” when there isn’t a “no” The world wasn’t darker but I have been sick Neglected, self-punishing, desperate, and weak The bitch was a self-loathing cynical whore And I have been her, she’s not me anymore I have been a savior no one ever asked for A martyr, a villain, a saint, and a whore The bitch had no boundaries, I should’ve known A “yes” isn’t a “yes” when there isn’t a “no” The world wasn’t darker but I have been sick Neglected, self-punishing, desperate, and weak The bitch was a fatalist cynical whore And I have been her, she’s not me anymore Shame, pain It seemed like there’s no way out For the fatalist cynical pessimist clinical dark suicidal self-loathing whore Shame, pain Shame, pain The only way is through the darkness Save the child and escape the madness Shame, pain It seemed like there’s no way out For the fatalist cynical pessimist clinical dark suicidal self-loathing whore Shame, pain Shame, pain That bitch was a child with nothing to live for And I have been her but not anymore
8.
Gone To Black 06:25
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One twenty-fourteen. It was a whole world ago Shit was hitting the fan so rapidly but none of us was in the know I had Korn in my headset and a whole lotta work to do Passion in heart and a handful of friends who were like family Those people were you Times were tough Often rough But there was also some cool stuff To remember and cherish To build and embellish A sense of a better future that’s not too far out of reach A whole lotta hopes, a whole lotta struggles, a whole lotta dreams per each God, I wish I’d known things were getting so fucking serious But I have been libtarded and understandably oblivious Deaf and blind to a new conflict so dark and hideous Blood brothers got ripped apart, a nation went delirious Fuck the fuckers who sold it out! Another proxy war Civilians shelled in the East, at my motherland’s door I wish I knew the scope, the magnitude, and all that that entails As I was waving goodbye to you and hoping to see you when peace prevails When peace prevails When peace prevails But things started to take an unexpected turn Brother, they ramped up the propaganda while the Donbas burned The growing division, the ever-uglier lesions Of a domestic terror campaign dubbed a democratic vision What a shit show So you and others were getting further and further away As I was watching you and getting more awake To the fact that it’s not about the thousands of miles that set us apart But rather about what’s in the mind and heart Lo and behold! Agreements are tattered and torn The same old crazy puppeteers are pushing and pushing their scorn From overseas while your bloody clown cooks up a storm The Cold War never ended hence the diplomacy porn I thought we were friends but seeds of discord have been long sown Now hatred, delusion, and paranoia are born Fuck you! Instead of Batka Makhno, you picked Stepan Bandera What is your cover story? War on Russian terror? Come two twenty-four twenty twenty-two All hell breaks loose, and now there’s nothing I really can do But hold my middle ground and face the inevitable Radical ideas make common sense severable I tried to save our friendship but it was all getting out of wack Relentless lies, the talking heads and pundits picked up the slack Your rage is misplaced ‘cause you fell victim to a psyop attack I lost you, one by one, and now you’re gone to black Lost! You’re gone to black Lost, lost Now, you’re gone to black Lost, lost, lost And now, you’re gone to black Gone to black (Батарея! Залпом! Триста тридцать три!!!) The world won’t be the same And there’s no going back Our past is buried in the flames And bitter charred ashes It didn’t have to end In mindless loss of life How many more will find their death Before the sun rises? How many more will be sacrificed? How many billions will suffice? How many crooked mirrors will project the lies That a psychopathic leviathan devised? The devil knew where to place the bait Seduce a handful and conquer all the state The demiurge is a hegemonic demagogue at best A self-elected god eager to molest The world The world And now, you’re gone to black And now, you’re gone to black All gone to black One by one, one by one All gone to black One by one, one by one It didn’t have to end In mindless loss of life How many more will find their death Before the sun rises? I wish you didn’t have to go, I wish I never had to stay You never know when is that last goodbye, tomorrow or today I loved and hoped and waited but there’s no going back I lost you, one by one, and now you’re gone to black
9.
No Ghosts For Tomorrow 06:00
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Цыганщина, блядь! There are so many ways to fuck everything up A persecutor, rescuer, a victim that won’t stop It all had me stuck in a triangular loop Until I figured a way out and flew the coop Spoiler alert! I tried to be good Self-esteem problems not understood There’s nothing a girl like me wouldn’t have done To get the right guy and a place in the sun It’s nicer to label something passion and love But sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof A spade is a spade, what could go wrong went wrong Doesn’t matter what I call it, what has been done is done Toxic shame and guilt never end well Shitty outcomes lead to an elaborate hell The consequences suck and then there’s the collateral Damage lost in victimhood, blame the supernatural So in the end nothing’s left but empty shadows Past vicious cycles dissolved in pointless drama So much for casual free love aficionados And yet I think I have loved, and that was for real There are so many ways to get lost in the chase Big cities, big dreams, and too little space To turn, to maneuver, to pursue, to outpace The elusive and bittersweet breeze on my face I’ve made the mistake of trying hard to fit in But freedom beckons the heart of the nomad within There was no point in running away from myself Pretending to be someone else, what a horrible death What did I love? The pain or the dream? The yearning or the places where I haven’t been? Was I running away with no cause to run for? Does it hurt just a little bit or more than before? All the toxic shit never ends well Dependent and stuck is the definition of hell Tomorrow’s a fight day, it’s gonna be rough Without any freedom there is no love So in the end nothing’s left but empty shadows Past vicious cycles dissolved in pointless drama So much for casual free love aficionados And yet I think I have loved, and that was for real My yesterday’s gone, and done, and duly buried Deep in forgiveness where ghosts will not be ghosted Where my tomorrow will never have to worry Where my today can accept and love when it’s healed You can’t stop me (Get fucking lost!) I’m gonna break free from this (Now!) You can’t stop me (Get outta my way) ‘Cause I wanna live now (Now!) What did I love? The pain or the dream? The yearning or the places where I haven’t been? Was I running away with no cause to run for? Does it hurt just a little bit or more than before? Looking for peace but preparing for war Love without freedom is dead and forlorn It dies in the darkness or never gets born If it is never fought for, it hurts so much more It hurts so much more So in the end nothing’s left but empty shadows Past vicious cycles dissolved in pointless drama So much for casual free love aficionados And yet I think I have loved, and that was for real My yesterday’s gone, and done, and duly buried Deep in forgiveness where ghosts will not be ghosted Where my tomorrow will never have to worry Where my today can accept and love when it’s healed What did I love? What did I love? The pain or the dream? The pain, the pain What did I love? What did I love? When all the ghosts are gone, a new day will begin What did I love? What did I love? The pain or the dream? The dream, the dream What did I love? What did I love? When all the ghosts are gone, a new day will begin
10.
Warkānum: 69th Of May 03:52
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(Twen) Twenty-five (Ty) Twenty-five (Fifth) Twenty-fifth (Of May) Of May (Twen) Twenty-five (Ty) Twenty-five (Fifth) Twenty-fifth (Of May) Of May (Twen) Severed (Ty) Tethered (Fifth) Chaotic (Of May) Myopic (Twen) Severed (Ty) Tethered (Fifth) Chaotic (Of May) Myopic Sleep to hide a kept inside Transatlantic suicide Inviting fate, I couldn’t wait To jump the gun or get dissuaded Sleeping off the dying side Darker days for a risky mind For what it’s worth, dissociation aside There’s nowhere to run and nowhere to hide (Six) Is it worth all the pain? (Ty) I hope I will live again (Ninth) It better make some fucking sense (Of May) ‘Cause time is ticking, nonetheless (Six) Feels like I’m sleeping awake (Ty) But gotta wake up, whatever it takes (Ninth) Can’t wash my life down the drain (Of May) Lest all the suffering was in vain Changes come at costly prices Everyone has one to pay Bargains, deals, and sacrifices For the 69th of May Comfort rots a healthy mind It’s a form of suicide A dangerous freedom bears a promise of life Security stifles and makes it contrived I will seek and I will find Purpose and a clearer mind I have all the clues to commence, to begin I have all the questions and answers within (Six) It was a leap of faith (Ty) I hope it won’t become my grave (Ninth) There’s gotta be a way to win (Of May) And get to where I've never been (Six) Feels like I’m sleeping awake (Ty) But gotta wake up, whatever it takes (Ninth) All the struggle would’ve been in vain (Of May) I can’t wash my life down the drain Changes come at costly prices Everyone has one to pay Bargains, deals, and sacrifices For the 69th of May Changes have expensive prices Everyone has one to pay Bargains, deals, and sacrifices For the 69th of May All I needed All I wanted Will be deleted If aborted Changes have expensive prices Everyone has one to pay Bargains, deals, and sacrifices For the 69th of May
11.
In The Dark 04:51
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You just wanted the high In the dark In the dark In the dark In the dark Come, lay down with me Krad, dark Krad, dark Come, lay down with me Krad, dark Krad, dark Come, lay down with me Krad, dark Krad, dark Come, lay down with me In the dark Dark Dark Dark Krad Dark Krad Dark Krad Dark You just wanted the high, high Demons in the dark Demons in the dark Demons in the dark In the dark My demons in the dark In the dark You just wanted the high, high You just wanted the high, high You just wanted the high, high You just wanted the high, high
12.
Outta Gehenna? 05:25
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Tired eyes It's not that I don't know what it's like to breathe But I’m fucking exhausted and spinning my wheels Counting my blessings and crossing the T’s Anesthetized It’s not like I don’t know that it’s wearing off If it hurts and it stings then I know I’m alive I don’t need a permission to carry on with my life Time to let go! There is no Time like the present, like the here and the now So I better move on or I’m going down Time to let go! There is no Life in the past, just shadows and ghosts While the mind has a purpose, the heart’s full of hopes Life's going on, and I'm never going back No vicious cycles and no self-defeating drag Through the Gehenna or grazing the highest clouds Burning or jaded, I still gotta make it No time to lose and no time to hesitate Out on the loose to follow or make my fate Outta Gehenna and into another one Blazing or faded, I still gotta make it Through Make it through Make it through Make it through Paradise There’s never gonna be another chance like this Naysayers suck, but I don’t care what they say There’s never gonna be another day like today Improvise Ignoring all the drivel cause it’s always there I better be excited than fear the unknown As for the crap in my past, that’s the bullshit I own Time to let go! There is no Time like the present, like the here and the now So I better move on or I’m going down Time to let go! There is no Life in the past, just shadows and ghosts While the mind has a purpose, the heart’s full of hopes Life's going on, and I'm never going back No vicious cycles and no self-defeating drag Through the Gehenna or grazing the highest clouds Burning or jaded, I still gotta make it No time to lose and no time to hesitate Out on the loose to follow or make my fate Outta Gehenna and into another one Blazing or faded, I still gotta make it Through All fears aborted Old pain, I’ve burned it The hate, not worth it I’m free, I’ve earned it Time to let go! There is no Time like the present, like the here and the now So I better move on or I’m going down Time to let go! There is no Life in the past, just shadows and ghosts While the mind has a purpose, the heart’s full of hopes Life's going on, and I'm never going back No vicious cycles and no self-defeating drag Through the Gehenna or grazing the highest clouds Burning or jaded, I still gotta make it No time to lose and no time to hesitate Out on the loose to follow or make my fate Outta Gehenna and into another one Blazing or faded, I still gotta make it Through I gotta make it through I gotta make it through I still gotta make it through Still gotta make it through I gotta make it through I still gotta make it through Gotta make it through Still gotta make it through
13.
It Comes From Somewhere 06:56
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Now, it’s about 3 in the morning, and I’m still not in bed It’s raining outside, and there’s something unsaid You live in my slumbers, but I know that you’re gone I think it’s friggin awesome that I’m moving along I swear, I couldn’t bear to stare into the dead of the night So taken with the sight I would tremble inside The hum of the big city, the distant traffic, the lights Anxious and swollen with loneliness, I’d get colder than ice It blazed on the tip of every lit cigarette And it ate me with all the buried silent hurt of neglect It was bending and breaking me, but I couldn’t explain Why the hell was all this happening, again and again And when the storm behind the window made me wanna cry out my eyes When you were with me yet so far away, I felt paralyzed And that’s when I felt so weak and unable to ask why would you never care ‘Cause I already knew the answer, and didn’t want to hear it and despair Here it comes, it comes, it comes to take me It comes to drag me away, away, away Here it comes, it comes, it comes to take me The ghastly shadows fall and rise They spin their solemn dance, they hypnotize The raindrops are tapping and hitting home again An old familiar rhythm on the window pane Where am I gonna go? Where am I gonna get? What will I have to get through And where will I eventually end up? The storm beyond the grief drowns the confusion and clears the way I know I gotta ride this out to move on, but not to stay It comes from somewhere And I know from where It’s trying to pull me under To steal me, to kill me So tired and jaded, I’m tattered and torn But stronger than I thought and newly reborn The touchy-feely thing grows thinner with every breath that I take For god’s sake! Is it true? Am I even awake? Gimme the truth, I wanna get stronger without getting killed At what price? Nowhere to run, so I gotta stand still I think I’m awakened but less connected than ever Patrolling the glass wall of isolation just gets better and better And I know there’s nothing to push it away It keeps on floating around, each night and every day The incompassionately quiet, the indiscriminately sad It’s like the light’s going out on something vital inside I know where it comes from And what’s it all for It’s right in my core I’ve absorbed it and I know I can’t be scared anymore It’s now that I welcome aloneness like an old friend that I used to know Now that I feel so free, I can move on to where I have to go Here it comes, it comes, it comes to take me It comes to drag me away, away, away Here it comes, it comes, it comes to take me It comes from somewhere And I know from where It’s trying to pull me under To steal me, to kill me You’ll ride shotgun, my friend Right to the very end Transmogrified to transcend You’re now, my bitch, my shadow It comes from somewhere And I know from where It’s trying to pull me under To steal me, to kill me It comes from somewhere ‘Cause I have been there But now you call shotgun So thrill me, complete me You’re not a threat anymore Transmogrified to transcend I’ve absorbed you this time, and it’s setting me free Like never ever before I can move on, we’re bound together till the very end You’re gonna be riding shotgun with me You’re not a threat anymore Transmogrified to transcend I’ve absorbed you this time, and it’s setting me free Like never ever before I can move on, we’re bound together till the very end You’re gonna be riding shotgun with me
14.
What You Deserve 06:07
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Wanna love? wanna live? Wanna take? wanna give? Wanna whole? wanna half? Wanna cry? wanna laugh? Wanna plague? wanna heal? Wanna strive? wanna stay still? Wanna serve or command? Wanna be close at hand? Is it anything more that you want? Is this anything you're ready to pay for? What is it that you’ve got? Is it something special you wanna see? Is it a new pleasure you're looking for in me? Wanna lose? wanna win? Wanna get under my skin? Wanna ache? wanna shake? Wanna build? wanna break? Wanna bend me to mend me? Or pretend to befriend me? Wanna stay? wanna leave? Wanna choke? wanna breathe? I’m not gonna cut you that slack ‘cause it’s too costly for me It’s no wonder it won’t happen, cuz it just can’t be Gimme a single reason to show you my flaws Gimme a need, a chance, a motive, and I'll show you my claws Hey, narc! I know, you’re clenching your fists Stay hungry, crave me each and every minute of your life Keep away! Hey, narc! I know all of your tricks I’ve been complicit but I’ve seen the light so shove it And keep away! You're the freak, and I’m the nature You will fade sooner or later You won’t last ‘cause you don’t have the nerve You've never lived, but now it's over You'll lose your wit and won’t get sober Stay just happy with what you deserve You're blind... and as a matter of fact You're so perverted in your mind you cannot realize that Time after time you're in conniption cuz the bottom line Is an egoistic power struggle for a "having a good time" Shallow and hollow, you are living but dead You're wasting my time just to get nothing instead And in the end there is something that you really fear It breeds in you, it lives in you, it won’t disappear It sleeps with the shadows of your deepest desires It slips away, returns again, and never expires It hangs around when you are high, yet out of your reach Remains untouchable, but touching, like a psychosomatic itch And you can't reshape or escape it It's like a bug in your main bus that keeps you helpless and naked That's you in your emptiness, and you know it's real Because the void inside is you, and you're a great big nil Hey, narc! I know, you’re clenching your fists Stay hungry, crave me each and every minute of your life Keep away! Hey, narc! I know all of your tricks I’ve been complicit but I’ve seen the light so shove it And keep away! You're the freak, and I’m the nature You will fade sooner or later You won’t last ‘cause you don’t have the nerve You've never lived, but now it's over You'll lose your wit and won’t get sober Stay just happy with what you deserve Keep away! With what you deserve Keep away! With what you deserve I’ve played your games. Self-negligent Masochistic idiot drunk on your poison to death But once I saw you through I realized that love is not enough It doesn’t cut through to you It’s like feeding an abysmal pit Nothing ever fills it, nothing ever satiates The Machiavellian cynically cold Never again shall I ingratiate You're the freak, and I’m the nature You will fade sooner or later You won’t last ‘cause you don’t have the nerve You've never lived, but now it's over You'll lose your wit and won’t get sober Stay just happy with what you deserve You're the freak, and I’m the nature You will fade sooner or later You won’t last ‘cause you don’t have the nerve You've never lived, but now it's over You'll lose your wit and won’t get sober Stay just happy with what you deserve Love is not enough It doesn’t cut through to you Love is not enough I’ve been complicit until I’ve seen you through Love is not enough It doesn’t cut through to you Love is not enough I’ve been complicit until I’ve seen you through
15.
Dark Dancer: Limerence 04:24
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I enter the dark, and it covers me I walk in the dark, and it shelters me I talk to the dark with sincerity I dance in the dark, and then I can see The devious destiny, the strong and the weak The gloaming struggle of heat, the dying pulse of the bleak I trace every soul in the dark I can read every soul when I dance in the dark I lie in the dark, and it's soothing me I crawl in the dark, and it's stripping me I glow in the dark and roam silently I soar in the dark, and then I can be The deviant destiny for the strong and the weak The gloaming river of heat, the lust and hell it can wreak I can attract any beast when I'm dark I can get every soul when I dance in the dark Come, dance with me! Call me when you’re burning out Call me, and I’ll fall down to heal you I’m here when your eyes are shut The more you crave the better I feel you (I feel you) Call me when you’re drowning deep (When you're drowning deep) Call me, and I’ll be at the bottom Call me, I’ll be yours to keep (I'll be yours to keep) Forever hypnotic and solemn I smile in the dark, and it echoes to me I wade through the dark, and it dances with me I play with the dark, and it strengthens me I melt in the dark, and then I can see The darkness is palpable and audible too Like me, like anything else, like every small bit of you I can scent, I can touch, I can hear, I can know What's above, what’s beyond, what's below I fuck in the dark as it breathes with me I smile in the dark as it flows with me I float in the dark as you’re chasing me I love in the dark and when you come to me I’m alive when you bleed and when you fade I revive Your secret desires always bring me to life I've got the power to give love and take it And I can drive you to madness when the dark leaves me naked Come, dance with me! Call me when you’re burning out (When you're burning out) Call me, and I’ll fall down to heal you (To heal you) I’m here when your eyes are shut (When your eyes are shut) The more you crave the better I feel you (I feel you) Call me when you’re drowning deep (When you're drowning deep) Call me, and I’ll be at the bottom (The bottom) Call me, I’ll be yours to keep (I'll be yours to keep) Forever hypnotic and solemn I am the one who stretched your nerves on a rack Who claws your heart and keeps you coming back for more I am the self-defeating shit you’ll regret I am the ugly dirty child of neglect I taint your blood and keep you hooked up on pain Obsession and despair are my middle names You fantasize, locked out of life, can’t tell the difference I make you think I’m love, but I’m the limerence
16.
Pour Elle (in memory of Ysabelle Jules Bau) 04:11
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Mon route a été longue et tortueuse J'ai eu un accident Et c'était poignardant J'étais la seule à blâmer mais j'étais aguicheuse Et puis j'ai perdu mon cœur Dans un fossé de rancoeur Et maintenant je dois croire en quelque chose Et maintenant je dois le trouver en moi Pour elle Tout pour une vie illuminée par l'amour Qui vainc l'obscurité Pour elle Après avoir erré si longtemps partout En virages serrés Sinon, il n'y a rien d'autre que le nihilisme Brûler une vie vide avec cynisme Est-ce que cela en vaut vraiment la peine? Je ne peux pas me retourner et il n'y a nulle part ailleurs où aller Malgré la douleur Je dois trouver mon cœur Même s'il n'y a pas de lumière, je continuerai Mon ancien moi doit périr Et le soleil va revenir Et maintenant je dois croire en quelque chose Et maintenant je dois le trouver en moi Pour elle Tout pour une vie illuminée par l'amour Qui vainc l'obscurité Pour elle Après avoir erré si longtemps partout En virages serrés Pour elle Pour une vie nouvelle Nouvelle Je suis tellement chanceuse de profiter d'une autre nuit encore C'est le moment de tourner La page et de gagner Mon route et mon destin vers une nouvelle aurore Je ne suis pas parfaite Je doit possède ce que j'ai fait Et maintenant je dois croire en quelque chose Et maintenant je dois le trouver en moi Pour elle Tout pour une vie illuminée par l'amour Qui vainc l'obscurité Pour elle Après avoir erré si longtemps partout En virages serrés Pour elle (Pour elle) Tout pour une vie illuminée par l'amour Qui vainc l'obscurité (Obscurité) Pour elle (Pour elle) Après avoir erré si longtemps partout En virages serrés Pour elle Pour elle Pour une vie nouvelle

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a vivid blend of metal, rap, and a broad palette of various undertones, "Gehenna: Warkānum" is a work that crosses the T's and finalizes a long list of older albums remade into modern pieces.

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released April 1, 2024

Catherine Corelli — music, lyrics, guitars, drums, production, mixing, mastering
Scot Stoddard — bass
Taras Balyka — bass (on "Pour Elle")
Nikolay Vorobyov — trumpet (on "Pour Elle")

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Catherine Corelli Jeffersonville, Kentucky

singer-songwriter, producer, painter. Russian born American southerner.

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